Weekly Weigh In-Weekly Goals

So I did not lose any weight this week....I ate good 90% of the time.  Enter the weekend.....Saturday night and part of Sunday were my only bad days and I didn't lose any weight.  I don't know when I will realize that my body just does not work that way.  Cheat meals, cheat days, easing up on the weekends just does not do it for me.  My body will gain weight if I look at a glass of wine or dessert.  My mind has been so ridiculous lately that I really need to get back to basics.

Last week I hit an all time low....I wouldn't say I am that bad this week, I see a sliver of hope but I am tetering right on the edge.  I have been trying to lose weight my whole life....but really working at it for at least a couple of years now....I have tried so hard and done so many things.  I have been really successful at times and I find myself weighing more than I have in a very long time.  I think I am pretty much up to my high weight.  That thought depresses me so much.....all my hard work for nothing.  What a waste of time and energy. 

I am so sick and tired of letting this control my life and make me feel so bad about myself.  I am so ready for things to change.  I am afraid, so afraid of never beating this.  I think I am so afraid that it is hindiring me from trying in some ways.  I hate this feeling, I hate it but can't seem to use it to push me to make this happen.

I am a great talker....I can pump myself up like no body else, but lately that has been lasting for like a day.  I am sick of hearing myself talk about this crap.  I don't even mention goals to my husband anymore because I know exactly what he is thinking....yeah right.  And I don't blame him...I feel the same way when I hear myself talk!!!!  I dream of what it will feel like and be like to reach my goals.  I read so many inspiring weight loss blogs about people just like me reaching their goals and feeling better than ever.  I imagine my life and how I would feel if I got to write that post about reaching my goal.  I want it, I can taste it but none of that seems to inspire me to actually do it!!!!

I have done this, not so long ago, I know I have it in me to follow an eating plan and kick ass.   This current mental space I am in is frightening to me.  I am starting to feel some real physical effects from this recent weight gain.....my feet hurt, bad!  That is just so sad to me.  I am not this person.  I am not being my best self and I need to be, I deserve it!!!!!

So there, I got that off my chest.  Weekly Goals:

1.  Meet my food requirements for the week, all week long, every day NO exceptions.

That is it my only goal.  Keeping it simple.  I am traveling this weekend, so it will be hard.  But I have done it before.  I have packed up my food and taken it with me.  Eating a salad while everyone else was eating pizza.  I can do this.  I have to do this and I will never look back.

I am expecting a big number next week.  My body responds really well when I eat within my eating plan.  I won't let ME down!