So this whole losing weight thing for me is a total mind game. I had a really bad weekend, this number could have been so much higher. I was doing great all week and was actually down lower than this going into the weekend. I traveled this weekend and brought all my food with me to eat like a good little girl. I had a plan. Automatic success right??? NO!
I indulged, I ate things I shouldn't, I didn't do horrible, but I definetly didn't stay on plan. Last night I even stress ate a bowl of cereal.
I made myself get on the scale this morning and I made myself be happy about that loss. Even though I really want to fall into the old habit, of getting down on myself. Saying Fxxx it. I screwed up, I can't do this, and start shoving food into my pie hole. I am not doing that, I am logging my loss. I am happy to see this number come down, it is more than my goal and I will be happy about it. Even if it kills me. I tend to really get down on myself because not to long ago, I weighed a lot less than this, like at the beginning of summer I was around 28 pounds less....so I tend to see every pounds loss as a failure, or just getting back to where I should have been anyway. I need to let go of the past and my mistakes and whatever happened this summer to make me put on so much weight and just stay focused on my achievements.
I will stay committed to myself and this LONG term plan that I have. The fear of failure is just so prevelant in my body right now, the fear of gaining and losing the same five pounds, the fear of giving up because I have one bad weekend. Screw FEAR!! That is what I am saying today, I am tired of being afraid. I am tired of staying the same. I feel better even with those 3.8 pounds gone. Its not a lot but its enough. I will try my hardest to kick my weekends butt and show it who is boss. I will figure out how to manage my food and cravings on a weekend, if it is the last thing I do.
Today, I will choose to be happy about this and I will not GIVE up!!!!!
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