Weigh In Wednesday

So today I am linking up with She's a Big Star

 

 

 

 

Now I don't weigh in on Wednesday, but I thought I would link up because the Fake it till you make it saying really rings true with me today.  Around 2 weeks ago I had lost a few pounds and felt really good.  I had a HORRIBLE weekend, I continued to work out but ate really bad.  I ended up gaining around 4 or 5 pounds.  I did jump on the scale today and those pounds are still there!!!  I have to say that I have been a rock star the last two weeks and there has been no movement.  My eating isn't perfect (damn Nutella) but it is within my calorie limit.  I have tracked everything I ate.  I have been working out like crazy.  And nothing.  It is that time of the month for me, and I have been recently tracking everything I am eating.  I am hoping that after my monthly witch comes and goes, I will lose some poundage.  The thing is I feel good, my clothes feel good, I am feeling strong because of my time at the gym.  I think this is the first time in my life I am not freaking out about the number on the scale. 

 

This is my first month tracking my food, I want to see how my body responds during this time of the month to see if I need to change my plan or maybe this is just how my body is?  The thing is, I am not freaking out!!!  Yes I am upset and bummed.  I am nervous, that witch leaves town the numbers still won't come.  But I have to be patient and if I have to tighten it up on the eating than so be it.  I am NOT one of those girls that can cheat/eat what she wants and still lose.  I can't do the 80/20 rule and get to where I want to go.  I might be able to when I am in maintenance but not now.  I need to work on planned cheats and sticking to the plan.  I am just going to keep on doing what I am doing and adjust if I need to.  This is a journey, it is going to be a long one.  I will keep going.

 

So fake it till you make it is right on for me today.  I can't put off today what I want to do when I am thin.  Its such a waste of time and energy.  So if I have a few drinks and a plate of enchilladas on my date night, oh well.  I will have a fresh start the next day.

 

 

 So here is an OOTD picture.  I am going to stop myself from all the negative talk that is going on in my head when I see this....these progress pictures, or just taking pictures of myself is a huge step and I hate every second of it.  I am the classic, don't dress the way you want until you reach your goal weight, maybe I will go shopping this weekend, and find myself some fabulous fat girl clothes :)  Fake it till you Make it.......

 

 

 





Monday Link Up

So I laid out my goals on my last post for sort of a long term game plan.

I am doing a link up today at Operation Skinny Jeans.....I love the idea of small weekly goals to try and meet and to focus on the small picture, not the huge mountain I have to climb.

So here it goes here are my goals for the week:

1. Follow my exercise plan that I laid out.

2. Stay within my calorie range everyday and track what I eat.

3. Have a CONTROLLED cheat meal on Thursday when I am out with my husband.  Still haven't decided if I will drink or not.  I REALLY, REALLY, need to see a good week.

This weekend I would say I was really successful.  I am pretty happy.  I worked out really hard on Saturday and it felt great.  I missed my Sunday workout, but I am ok with that because I was gone all day with my daughter at a track meet, the gym was closed when I got home and then my husband and I took the kids to go see the movie 42.  So it was ok.

 (at my daughters track meet, great view but really crappy weather)

My food was really good this weekend, I had a couple tastes of Nutella that I should have on Saturday but I tracked it all and stayed within my calorie range.  I also, ate some things I should have on Sunday but not to bad.  I was gone all day and I also made some really good choices saying NO.  So it really was so much better then what I usually would have done.  But I really don't want to step on the scale.  That stupid scale scares the shit out of me right now.  I feel like if I even look at food I gain 5 pounds so........

I have my workout planned for today and no food with me.....not the best but I will make good choices.

On a side note, I spoke about my husband starting to get healthy.  Well he has been a rock star.  Really done great with his eating, not really exercised but he is taking baby steps.  So he gets on the scale and lost 9 pounds last week.  So jealous happy for him.  (Seriously WTF?????)

Also, here are some pictures of our garden that we have been dreaming about for years!!  So happy with it, small and managable....I hope.

(Clearing a space for a melon patch)

Happy  Monday and here is to a great week!!!

Friday/Game Plan/Progress Pics!!!!

So it is Friday.....This week has been good and bad.  I have had a couple little slips but stayed in my calorie range.  Just ate some foods I was telling myself to avoid.  I weighed today and was up 1 pound from yesterday but it is that time of the month coming up so I am trying to just keep an open mind and not think about the number on the scale to much at this point.

So my new plan is going to be

• Outline my goals for the week and weigh on Fridays!! 
• I am still going to stick to this day because I haven't given it a good shot and I know Mondays weren't working for me.
• I will track my food!!!!  Every single bite that goes in my mouth
• I will plan my cheat meals if I have them
• I will keep my calorie goal at around 1200.  If I feel the need for more food, I will incorporate a healthy snack....Nutella and Peanut Butter don't count!!!!
• I am going to start taking progress pictures......this scares the shit out of me as I have avoided pictures for my whole adult life.  But I think this will make me more accountable.

A little side note, my husband got a wake up call health wise and decided to change his lifestyle as well.  I am so excited as it is always fun to have a buddy and I worry about him. He has around 30-40 pounds he wants to lose.  I am not tying my program to his cause that has failed in the past.  He usually gives up around day 3, and then I throw in the towel too.  I am so excited for our new life together if we both reach goal.  If he doesn't oh well, I will still love him anyway, but it is exciting.

So it is Friday so here are my goals and my plan for the week!

Workout:
Fri: Cardio/Butt
Sat: Cardio/Mamma Laughlin Arms
Sun: Off (at a track meet with my daughter!!!)
Mon: JW Workout/Cardio
Tues: JM Shred
Wed: JW Workout/Cardio
Thur: Cardio

Eating:
Stick to 1200 calories, if super hungry add in a couple more healthy snacks up to 1400 cal
I am going to a concert on Thur with my husband that is my allotted cheat day!!!  Plan for this accordingly.....I am going back and forth with what to do.  It is the day before I weigh and if I drink anything I will not get an accurate weigh in.  Still deciding on this, but if I do cheat only cheat at one meal, dinner....and only drink wine.  Also drink lots of water......

Trying to keep the eating goals simple, I just need a few consistent weeks here.

So here it goes......uggggh.  Here is a picture of me honestly not even at my heaviest.  Yikes.  My friend posted this on facebook and I IMMEDIATLY untagged myself....seriously what the hell was she thinking!  This was in August of 2011, probably close to the heaviest I was

I am the one on the right, with the really great tan lines......Yuck!

And here are some from this morning

             
So I know I am smaller than I was....thank the lord.  But my goal is to lose 50 pounds.  That is like my ultimate dream goal...still really not sure if I can get there but here is hoping.  If I had to guess I think there is around a 20-30 pound difference between the two pictures.

Challenge

So I have spent a lot of time soul searching the last few days.  I have laid everything out on the line in my head and to be honest I have not lived up to any of my expectations.

I have come up with a new challenge and some renewed determination.  I am scared as hell, the thing I am most scared about is why is this time going to work?  I am scared of letting myself fail yet again.  I have done this so many times in my life it is hard to count.  The point is that I am the only person that can let me fail, and I have to just not do that.  Waaaaaay easier said then done.

Some of these blogs I follow have been HUGE motivators and I am going to detail out my goals and plan.....(yet again).  Tomorrow......

I have a busy day celebrating my daughters birthday.  I am off to the gym and to make her day extra special.  I am NOT cheating on my diet.....that is not in the plan :)

Goals

So I found a new blog today...Operation Skinny Jeans.  She posted a link up of weekly goals on April 1st.  So I am a little late to the party but here it goes.  I so need this.  I feel my resolve/determination slipping.  I have been so tired, my muscles are very fatigued, I had a horrible weekend eating wise and I don't want it all to slip away. Sooooo here it goes.






These goals will be until next Friday April 12th when I will weigh in.  I decided to skip this Friday's weigh in because I had such a bad weekend that lasted through Monday and I don't want to get really upset.  I don't want to do this often because I feel like I need to be accountable and if I skip weigh in's because I cheated, it is kind of like, well, cheating.  So who knows I may weigh in Friday, but these goals are to take me through next week.

1.  Work out everyday, if I am feeling tired do some 30 Day shred.  I made up my workout plan, FOLLOW IT!!!!

2.  Track all my calories everyday no exceptions!!!!

3.  Drink more water

I just need to get out of my head, put one foot in front of the other and do this.  I know I sabotage myself a lot, with negative self talk and giving up.  The two steps forward 5 steps back.  I am really tired of it so I hope this helps me be accountable.

Tuesday (Which is my Monday)

So I had Monday off, so this Tuesday is really my Monday......

So I had a great weigh in on Friday.  Weekends are my HARDEST time ever.....its not like I lack a little control....I seriously lack any self control at all on most weekends.  I understand it is mind over matter but it is so damn frustrating.

So on Friday night, I knew I wanted some wine, so I had some....and some dark chocolate, and I don't know what else.  I think I am blocking it out.  I did have my shake Saturday morning and got a good sweat session it at the gym.  I ate a boat load of candy Saturday as I was doing Easter stuff with the kids.  That candy seriously could not get in my mouth fast enough.  I don't remember what I ate Saturday for dinner but it probably was something un healthy in between fist fulls of candy!!!  Ugggh.

Sunday, we went to breakfast.  I decided since I was already doing so bad to have French toast and half an order of biscuits and gravy.  NICE!!!!  We BBQ'd that evening and I don't think I ate to much, I had some salmon and some salad.  But also some wine, and I am sure some more candy.

Monday I had off and I ate like crap pretty much all day....I feel like shit.  I feel like a failure.  I don't know why I do this to myself...blah, blah, blah.  So its the same cycle different day. 

I love being home with my kids and often wish I could stay home full time, but it seriously is such an issue not being on my schedule.  I need to figure this one out.

I took Sunday and Monday off from working out because I am so dang tired the last few days, but that doesn't really bother me since I have been going so strong lately.  I will work out tonight, even though I still feel exhausted.  I don't know what is wrong with me.

So I pick myself up and keep trying.  I will see what that scale says on Friday.  I have to be accountable to that scale every week.